nice-site.org

The miscellaneous writings of Mark Bridgeman

Eclipse Fever

Eclipse Fever gripped the nation this morning when people suddenly realised that it was getting dark…

 

I like many other people were absolutely gob smacked when I looked out of the window to see almost completely clear skies.

 

For the first time in my entire life there hasn’t been thick and billowing layers of cloud above me when something spectacular has been happening in the skies.

 

Usually it’s meteor showers… Thick cloud..

or comets… Thick cloud..

 

Anyhow I decided to go on a hunt for my eclipse viewing glasses as only idiots look directly at the sun. I’ve kept them for 16 years ever since the last eclipse of the millenium in 1999…

 

I and my work colleagues eagerly assembled outside to see thick cloud…

 

But this time it was special the thick cloud filtered out all of that unnecessary light and treated us to a near perfect disc of the sun.

 

I was chuffed, at which point two elderly customers of mine turned up with a query about the new car they were buying.  I spent the next hour or so inside dealing with them, the only bloke in the building.

 

The old folk looked outside to see all of assembled colleagues in a huge group looking up at the sun with their eclipse viewers (I’ve still got mine, but cant find them anywhere) and asked me what were they up to?

 

I explained about the eclipse, the last one of the millenium.

 

They just sighed and said that there was no point looking at it as it would be ‘all over the TV anyway…’ totally misunderstanding the point of a live event.

 

Anyhow, I’ve been waiting sixteen years for this event but didn’t expect to see it as you can normally guarantee… Thick Cloud!

 

I rushed around the house hunting for my eclipse viewing glasses couldn’t find anything.  Mrs Angry got a colander and a card…  

 

I got my camera…

 

Then it dawned on me, Jack Daniels.  It’s thick and syrupy.  If I held it up to the sun by the neck of the bottle that would make a perfect eclipse viewer.

So there I was holding a mostly consumed bottle of Jack Daniels aloft, up above my head, looking at the sun.  I couldn’t get the angle right so I had to gesticulate wildly with the bottle in my pyjamas outside the front of the house in the street, looking like an angry drunk…

 

Looking a bit like a Harold Ramp…

 

The liquid alas, was too syrupy it diffused the light of the sun a beautiful golden brown.  The most awe inspiring and soul reaching moment of my life.  Couldn’t see the eclipse though…

 

Mrs Angry got her colander and her card and showed me how to see the disc of the sun with it.  She is a good woman, as previous to this I had been squinting, glaring, looking and sneaking furtive glances directly at the sun with my bottle of JD in my hand.

 

The neighbours must have thought that I’d finally cracked or that I was offering it in sacrifice perhaps…

 

Next Post

Previous Post

Leave a Reply

© 2018 nice-site.org

Theme by CPTsolutions.biz