The miscellaneous writings of Mark Bridgeman

Energy Saving Light Bulbs

These things really get up my nose.  They are supposed to be green for god’s sake though I’m not convinced.  The old fashioned light bulbs were very simple to make, a proven design and didn’t need any improvements.  You switched them on and people could actually see things despite it being dark.  


Now these low energy shitty things you switch on, leave the room and make a cup of tea (burning more carbon as you do so) and wait for them to warm up so that you can eventually see.  I mean how shit is that!  In the 19th and 20th centuries (which were times of progress despite all of the other nasty stuff that went on) we had instant light whenever we wanted it.  Now it looks like the 21st Century is going to be a century of regression in many ways.   I mean if Thomas Edison demonstrated his light bulb back in 1879 to people and told them they would have to wait about fifteen minutes for it to get bright enough to be useful he would have been laughed out of the room.  ‘Sir our candles and gas lights are much more effective that this electrical claptrap. We light them and our homes are instantly bright!  Beat that f***face!’


Just to reiterate my 20th century light bulb which works as expected is like something from Star Trek compared to this energy saving crap.  Aside from all that how you seen how much manufacturing goes on to make one of these things.  They have their electrical contacts wrapped in plastic, connected to irridescent tubes that have been machined into a coil shape. The sheer energy required to make these bulbs must be enormous compared to the old fashioned bulbs that worked as expected.  These new bulbs also contain nasty chemicals so much so that when one of them breaks or you’re unlucky enough to smash one.  You have to leave the room for a whole hour whilst the dust settles (I am not joking) before cleaning them up.  


This has got the words ‘Government Contract’ stamped all over them.  If you or I invented one of these things we’d never get it through health and safety, because we all know human nature as it is.  No one waits an hour whilst being locked out of a room to clean up a broken bulb, even if it does contain mercury!  We’d also be on the hook for any health problems these things create.  


This must be the work of a government contract and I think I can prove it, because I have never, ever, ever bought a low energy bulb.  All of mine have been given to me free when visiting a local event and handed out by well meaning government agencies (like Jobcentre Plus – I am not joking) or some local green charity that has got them for free from the government.  So some fat talentless arsehole who runs a lightbulb making company has got an equally fat government contract from one of his freemason chums in whitehall. Says it all really…


For the complete skinny on low energy bulbs read this


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