…. Nothing tramatic has happened to me but the thought of the world being black and not existing forever terrifies me.
I’ll paraphrase the words of Epicurus who said that when you are alive death is not present, when death is present you are not. Why should you be afraid of something that can’t exist at the same time as yourself.
Finally when people think of death, they often imagine themselves locked up in a vast black box forever and that they would still be aware of the passing of time in a vast and empty eternity. They imagine themselves with nothing to sense or experience yet aware of themselves and the passing of time, this is would be a living hell. Thankfully it’s a misconception!
You will be aware of nothing, not even the blackness you imagine lies ahead of you. You will return to the same state that you were in before you were born.
You didn’t exist for billions of years before your birth and it didn’t bother you in the slightest, that’s what you will be returning too.
As for the afterlife and similar topics, I won’t get into that here as a fear like this needs to be faced head on so that you can crush it and live well as a result of overcoming it.
As a mystic however you will have to learn to walk the line between belief and unbelief, between certainty and doubt, between reason and intuition, as the tension between such states make everything valuable.
Have a read of this.