The miscellaneous writings of Mark Bridgeman

If Elected…

It’s general election fever…


Modern politicians have gone wrong wrong by appealing to the middle ground they making a terrible mistake of presenting themselves as all the same.  


From where I stand as an ordinary working man they all look the same to me.  None of them are brave enough to offer me what I actually want, namely fairness in society.


So at the next election I would love to see:


Free bus passes all round!

Bus passes for everyone.  Not just old folk


Young folk need to get to school or college, or even that first job they might be lucky enough to get.


Shut Job Centres and turn them into libraries and internet cafes…

On the subject of jobs.  I would close every single job centre in the country as they are all useless.


Nobody knows what they do anymore.  All of the useful stuff that they used to do in ages gone by has been outsourced to private providers in a determined effort to cost the state money…


That’s right, anything that the jobcentre used to do that could offer any firm the chance of making a profit has been outsourced to private companies.  Training being the most obvious example.


Job centre workers are surplus to requirement and must be sacked.  Every single one of them.


Show no mercy, just like Margaret Thatcher did with the miners or Jimmy Savile did with the minors…


Once they are sacked they should all be sentenced en masse for bullying, harassment and humiliation of job seekers.  


These people are parasites and good riddance to them.  Taking over their buildings and putting them to better public use can only be a good thing.  


Perhaps former job centre workers can then apply for a job serving the tea, pushing trolleys and taking abuse from angry members of the public.  That’s what they seem to like doing to us so why not?


I’d also like a jobcentre worker to see how it feels when you present them with a beautiful cv that marks you out as a qualified engineer, web developer, technician, teacher or whatever only to be told to apply for a job in a shop or a meat processing plant.


Bus Passes for working people.

It’s not just kids and pensioners that could do with a free bus pass though.  How about working people.  


People that hold down jobs, go to work every morning have to pay a lot of money to catch the bus, get on the train or worse yet drive their car and successfully park it.


There’s policemen, speed cameras and parking officials all drooling over the thought of catching motorists.  All of this is unnecessary and could easily be avoided by handing out free bus passes.  They might actually be inclined to catch some real criminals then…


It’s not easy being green…

It even (shock horror) might help the government actually hit a green target for once.


Take your car if you want too, by all means, I’m not about denying people the choice to live as they want, but instead of punishing people who have no choice to drive, how about incentivising them instead.  Free transport is a huge inducement.  


Most working people in my area spend more on petrol than they do on their rent or their mortgages.


Image the amount of cash this would free up in the economy that people could choose to spend on other things.


Bus Passes for people on the dole.

Likewise if you are looking for work, are skint and need to attend an interview, well paying for the bus won’t be an issue.  Everyone should have a free bus pass.  It will stimulate the economy!


So basically my manifesto is bus passes for everyone…


As well as free bus passes, now about free TV licences for everyone.


If it’s a state broadcaster.  It should be paid for by the state, not me…


Don’t get me wrong, Radio2 is excellent, Radio 4 is incredible.  It’s really enriching.  Both of these stations are worth more than the licence is on their own.


I would happily pay the licence fee just for the radio.  It’s awesome and I only listen to it in the car or occasionally at work.


Thing is though the TV programming is so sh*t that it cheapens the good work done by the radio to the point that it makes the licence fee worthless, especially now that BBC 3 is going.


It’s all I watch, once you are past the spew of Eastenders (I truly cannot stand soaps) you usually get into Family Guy and American Dad.  Awesome imports.  They make me happy before I go to bed.


I used to watch politics on a Sunday morning, but nothing ever got solved, and it made me really depressed.  Then one day I flipped the channel over to find Spongebob!


Now I’m happy.  Spongebob for those of you that don’t know is a cheery little sponge that lives next door to his best friend Patrick Starfish under the sea.  In a place called Bikini Bottom.


I’d rather have Spongebob for prime minister than David Cameron.  So yes, if elected I would keep BBC3.  


It’s only being shut down in any case due to pressure from the Daily Mail.  They’ve campaigned ceaselessly about it since it was launched.  How dare the BBC make programs for young people.  It’s not like it’s a national broadcaster trying to appeal to everyone is it…


On the subject of the Daily Mail, I’d shut that down.  It’s a depressing hatefilled read that as Alastair Campbell once said represents the worst of British values whilst pretending to represent the best of them.


Let’s not forget that this is a paper that supported the Natzi’s and was proud of the ‘Black Shirts’.


The newspaper represents a pattern in the cosmos.  It has a personality all of it’s own.  It might have changed buildings since then.  It’s offices might have been bulldozed or rebuilt.  Every member of staff might have been changed but it still stands for the same thing.  Right wing power!  It’s an enduring pattern that is going on and on forever.


Don’t misunderstand I don’t apply labels of left-wing or right-wing to me and my political thinking.  I’m on the right for some things, on the left for others.  So I’m not a left wing anti-capitalist or radical person that doesn’t want people to be able to make their own way in the world or earn tons of money.  I’m just sick to death of the Daily Mail.


So if elected I would kill of the Daily Mail, shutting it down after accusing it of hate crimes.


It’s not a biased publication though.  It’s hates everything and everyone equally.  It stands for God Save The Queen and the Britain of the 1950’s.  It would love to see the Empire restored as well as offering no pardon for gays imprisoned or punished for being gay.


I made that last bit up and then googled this….


Alright max hastings is a columnist and his views are undoubtedly his own, but he still works for an editor and that editor sets editorial directions for all of his or her staff writers, journalists and columnists.  That editor works for the Daily Mail organisation per se, so what does that tell you about the Daily Mail?


The Daily Mail makes the evil empire in Star Wars look like a bastion of liberty and progressive values.  The Emperor himself comes across as a rather nice, grandfatherly old man compared to the Daily Mail editorial team.  I still like reading it though…


I’m not alone in this regard.  Stephen Fry, shares much of the same views…


One the subject of newspapers. I’d also kill off Page 3 in The Sun.

It’s hard enough as it is these days for women.  It wasn’t cool or funny when it first came out in the seventies and it sure isn’t cool or funny these days.  There’s a time and a place to ogle naked ladies and that isn’t on the inside pages of a national newspaper.


It’s only there because Rupert Murdoch keeps it there.  He’s starting to remind me of Monty Burns in the Simpsons.  He’s become a caricature of himself.  Still though I was rather touched by his care and concern for Rebecca Brooks during the phone hacking crisis.  


It proves that he is human, I just don’t understand his values.  I wonder if he does.




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