The miscellaneous writings of Mark Bridgeman

Lines on Roundabouts

by Mike Spudly Llanelli Town’s very own Mr Angry


Fucking lines on roundabouts, I mean despite the fact that we’ve all spend loads of time and money, training (usually under the experienced tutelage of a qualified and licensed instructor) then took a test which we’ve passed, some prick in the government thinks that we need extra help to tackle a roundabout, even though there is only one rule at a roundabout, you know the one about giving way to the right!


Hence the lines, the lines are computer designed, lazily if you ask me and always encourage you to break the highway code and put your life in danger as well as the lives of others by doing silly things deliberately designed to piss other drivers off such as going all the way around the roundabout in the inner lane and not telegraphing which way you are going.  


See as drivers we’ve all become used to the laws of physics, the important ones that govern velocity and inertia so it’s pretty reasonable to see which way a car is going based on its speed and direction of travel.  So when you are waiting at the roundabout junction and are just about to pull out with some traffic coming from the right it’s natural to wait until they pass. With lines marking out the lanes on the road sometimes the cars pass, other times they slip off at the adjoining road just before you, other times they look they are going down the adjoining exit before you when they are not.  Naturally enough thinking that they are going down the adjoining slip means that you have no traffic coming from the right and therefore its safe to go except it’s not.  Those useless ****s at the road planning department have done it again, you pull out and the car that you think is going down the adjoining exit suddenly lurches roughly towards you violently swerving to stay in lane whilst it’s passengers get flung out to the windows by the sudden centrifugal forces involved in following these badly thought out lanes.  Accidents nearly happen, people lose their tempers, fists occasionally fly, all because some **** got a bucket of paint for his birthday!


The main roundabout at Crosshands is one of the worst for this I once saw a nasty argument erupted between two white van men after a near collision.  They shouted so loudly at each other that everyone on the roundabout could hear the assorted ‘F’ words and ‘B’ words without having to wind their windows down.


Thing is though the brainless **** in the road planning department will never admit that it’s their fault that the roundabout used to work nicely before the lines got there and after much monitoring they either rejig the lines making the problem worse or **** away some more taxpayers money on such idiotic expenditures as Traffic Lights on roundabouts.     They cannot and never will do anything genuinely useful as long as they are alive, may God have mercy on their rotten souls…


One of my friends is a driving instructor.  He once had the pleasure of teaching the head of the road planing department of a nearby county council.  The guy had been in the job for fifteen years making planning decisions and agreeing to computer generated road layouts without not once having had a driving lesson, a driver’s licence or making any attempt to pass his test.  After a few lessons with my friend he started rejecting some layouts as undrivable which is a good thing, pity it didn’t happen some fifteen years before.  I won’t tell you which county council he worked for, but it’s one of the near ones.  You have been warned…

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