The miscellaneous writings of Mark Bridgeman

Red Ed Vs The Energy Companies

I’ve had a few months off and despite the sh*t things that have happened in the wider world am generally at peace with myself.   


Laptop Murdered

It saddened me that this summer a laptop was brutally murdered by the government because it belonged to the partner of a journalist that had met Edward Snowdon.  It was smashed to pieces after having it’s hard drive removed (which was also smashed).  To put it in human terms that’s like capturing a fugitive, removing his brain, then smashing it up (kenwood mixer style) before proceeding to smash up the rest of his body!  


Internet Murdered

The fact that the laptop was smashed up is something that I also find to be heavily symbolic, with the miserable anti internet vibe that’s being going around at the moment.  Just for the record I would like to state that I am an atheist, I don’t believe in Claire Perry!


Diana Murdered

Other things that have piqued my interest this summer has been the shock revelation that a friend of someone who was in the SAS reckons that Diana was murdered, the result being another police investigation that will lead nowhere as all of the guilty parties are above the law.


Having written the above I am now worried that the possibilities of my death in a paris tunnel have gone up considerably, despite the fact that I have no passport, don’t like the French, wouldn’t want to visit Paris (which is like Carmarthen in so much that birds fly upside down over it*), hate travelling and don’t venture out of the county.   Time for the tin foil hat!


British Summer Murdered by Nice Weather

None of the above had prompted me to write on the subject because the weather has been nice and as you all know if the weather is nice, people feel relaxed and generally happier and prefer not to think about their governments, their spooks, or the evil powers that be that are hell bent on emptying their collective wallets, piggy banks and bank accounts.  I mean some of these companies are so evil that they make Darth Vader and The Emperor’s plans for the Death Star look ‘poorly conceived’.  Though to be fair, compared to the profits made by our ‘big six’ energy companies the cost of building a death star would be small change..


Economy Murdered

The thing that has got me wound up though is the banker like behaviour being exhibited by the big energy companies in the wake or ‘Red Ed’s (Milliband)’ announcement that if elected he would freeze energy bills for 2 years.  Do you remember the collapse when the vermin of New York and London sh*t in their own nests and went wailing to the British and US governments for a bailout.  Their simple plan was for each bank have someone in authority contact the chancellor and hold a gun to his head, stating that they’d blow up the economy unless they got their bailout.  It was the biggest heist in history!


I can imagine the conversation going something like this…


‘It’ll be bad man, cash points won’t work and little old ladies won’t be able to get their savings out because we’ve pissed them down a black hole…’


‘Yeah you’ll be on the hook dude, all them voters will blame you, you’re our patsy! Do as you’re told f*ck face and borrow some readies from them slitty eyed gits in China.   Don’t try to contact anyone, not the regulators, not the Bank of England, not anyone….  Capiche!  You’ll hear from us!


They exited downing street the same day, wearing striped shirts, black bandit masks over their eyes and carrying a bag marked ‘SWAG’ over their shoulders.  Me and you however are still paying for it…


Centrica Murdered

So the bankerish behaviour that’s angered me is this cheesy talk of the lights going out the energy companies aren’t allowed to put their prices up for two years.  Centrica who made profits of 2.7 billion last year said that they would have to fold and not trade.


Speaking as someone who runs a small business, I would love to have 2.7 billion in profit (pre tax) every f*cking year.  I’d be like Scrooge McDuck swimming around in it.  That would be brilliant news for me and my colleagues.   The company cars would arrive and I’d have a pool on the roof of my house, with a mail order Thai woman to clean my ‘Royal Penis’.  Life would be good, but apparently it’s not good enough for the ‘Big Six’ who would have no choice but to have blackouts and power cuts because they won’t be able to milk us as fully as they’d like.


My Tits are sore from the milking?

I don’t know about you, but I am sick of being treated like a cash cow by the great and powerful.  If Red Ed has got any balls at all he should back this up with a regime of draconian fines for failure to deliver.


It’s like this, if I have an agreement with a power company and they can’t supply I don’t see why I should moderate my behaviour and consume less so that they can charge me more for less service.  If they can’t supply me it’s their problem.  So every time that a power company accidentally disconnects my electricity or gas or whatever they should be forced to refund me one whole year of billing.  That would work out as roughly £1000 per person per offence.  How’s that for justice?  It would also guarantee that the lights stay on no matter what!


Given that Ed’s announcement has wiped £150 million of the value of the ‘big sixes’ shares he should back up his plan with a call for renationalisation of the providers, because lets face it, privatisation has failed.  It’s failed for Gas, Electricity, Telephones, the Trains.  What criteria am I judging this on you may well ask.  Well it’s simple in every privatisation in history we are always told that it will reduce costs and lower prices.


Well I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen a price come down.  My bills year in, year out always go up!  So much for lower costs and lowering prices.   


Travel Murdered

The next thing that Ed needs to do is to guarantee that duty and vat on petrol will not be altered or raised for the lifetime of his parliament should he be elected.  That might go some way to repairing the damage Tony and Gordon did when they were elected.  Thanks to those two clowns  

different counties in Wales might as well be different countries as it’s now so expensive to travel.


That’s a topic for another rant!


Media Murdered

Just to round this out is anyone else out disturbed by the fact that not one newspaper has (to my knowledge) run a headline condemning these evil energy companies for holding the country to ransom.  Yet when hard pressed fireman, teachers, or public sector workers go on strike the media is awash with stories of evil trade unionists holding the government to ransom.  So apparently it’s ok to be a gangster if you are rich and powerful.    


This more than anything else underscores where the real broken Britain is to be found.  It’s not with the poor or the downtrodden ‘Aldi Mum’ or the average man sticking it out in a job he hates just to pay the bills.  It’s with the feral rich.


Tax Revenue Murdered

The same feral rich that don’t want to pay tax and would rather ship it abroad to a pretend office in the Cayman Islands, whilst they enjoy the benefits of living in our fair and tolerant society.  The same idle rich that don’t actually want to give you a job as long as the Chinese or the Indians can do it for pennies on the pound.  The same idle rich that still want you to buy their stuff even though there’s nothing in it for you, other than the ‘experience’ of buying their cheap, overpriced crap.  Isn’t this the epitome of an abusive relationship, where one party takes everything and rides roughshod over the other.  If my wife was like this I would have left her years ago!  


Bank Balance Murdered

We’re essentially in an abusive relationship with our big corporations, who are seemingly happy to turn the power off because they can’t have as much of your money as they’d like.   Old ladies will freeze in their homes because they put their shareholders over and above their customers welfare.   There used to be a joke going around in the eighties that went along the lines of ‘what’s blue and f**ks old ladies?  Answer : Hyperthermia.’   Now the modern version will be ‘Centrica’.


They are threatening to blow up the heating system if they don’t get their way, how is this any different to our bankers threatening to blow up the economy unless they get their bailouts.  These guys are f**king terrorists and somehow we tolerate them and their feral behaviour.  


Democracy Murdered

Makes you wonder who the government is actually for.  We’ve had ‘Hug a Hoodie’ Cameron looking like a sulky child because he wasn’t allowed to join in the war in Syria.  A war that most people consider to be an internal Syrian matter.  He really does have that air of ‘Mummy I really want to go and join the big boys and bomb Syria, but whaaaahh you won’t let me….’ in his photos lately.  


Anyhow at the time of writing this the Treasury is actually legislating to go against European Union plans to curb bankers bonuses.  Doubtless the bankers have told the tories that if it goes ahead, they’ll blow up the economy etc and leave the country.  In which case great, i’ll volunteer to carry their bags to the airport.   


How f**king stupid are the Tories, even the Romans knew that if you kept the people happy you could stay in power forever….  


Hypocrisy Murdered

Anyhow this article is not all in praise of Red Ed and his plans to help out ‘Aldi Mum’ and ‘Cheltenham Man’ because lets face it, there would be no ‘Aldi Mum’ or ‘Cheltenham Man’ had it not been for Labour in the first place.


*because it’s not worth sh*tting on!.




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